Frugal Hookups: The Sticky Aftermath

Wanderer
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Wanderer

The Wanderer retired from his engineering job at a major Silicon Valley semiconductor company at the age of 33. He now travels the world, seeking out knowledge from other wealthy people, so that he can teach people how to become Financially Independent themselves.
Wanderer
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Hi everyone!

So last week we posted about Frugal Relationships and Frugal Hookups, and as an experiment we asked people to post about themselves if they were looking for someone just as well versed in the ways of FIRE as they were. The results were pretty surprising.

First of all, there were 69 comments as of the time of this writing. TEE HEE.

And of those, there were 34 brave people who participated. I was expecting 2 or 3 but instead we got 34. That suggests this is actually a problem people have.

And as I thought about it, I realized that it’s actually pretty damned hard to date people who are good with their money. I met FIRECracker in University (we were lab-mates. NERD LOVE!), but if we hadn’t, what chance would we have of finding frugal spouses after school? In undergrad, frugality wasn’t seen as a bad thing since NOBODY had any money. I once saw a classmate eat a hotdog he found lying in a parking lot without batting an eye.

But in the working world, all that Keeping-Up-With-the-Jonses bullshit kicks in which forces frugal people underground. People who don’t like showing off their wealth get shunned by society, or at least, not easily noticed by members of the opposite sex (or same, if that’s your thing).

And the places people go to typically hook up with people (bars, clubs, concerts) are typically places frugal people avoid. So all the spendy people get together with each other while the non-spendy people sit at home.

It’s a problem I didn’t think about until I saw how many people had this problem.

So what can we learn from these 34 people?

We’re Surprisingly Gender-Balanced

Well first of all, the male-female ratio is actually fairly balanced, which is actually pretty surprising for a number of reasons.

  1. Finance blogs tend to skew HEAVILY male. This suggests that Millennial Revolution seems to have a higher-than-normal female readership. I suspect it has something to do with FIRECracker’s sassy-yet-seductive personality. Or my raw animal magnetism. *makes sexy growling noise*
  2. Dating sites tend to naturally skew male, and I know this because I know a couple friends in Silicon Valley who’ve tried to build dating sites. They call it the “Sausage Fest Syndrome,” and that’s why dating sites have to jump through hoops to try to achieve an even gender balance (charge the guys but let the girls in free, that sort of thing). But here, this data suggests that if we were to look at the FIRE community, it would naturally create a balanced gender environment. Obviously, we’d need to do a bigger sample, but that’s an interesting thought.

We’re All Ages

Most of the people here are in their 20’s/30’s, which is no surprise because younger people are more likely to be single and our site has the word MILLENNIAL in big block letters. But there’s still some older people in their 40’s and 50’s+ that want to find a frugal mate. That’s interesting (and unexpected).

We Have the Same Idols

Of all the FIRE writers/bloggers mentioned in the responses, FIRECracker came in #1 as their favourite. This of course, means only one thing: The majority of the people on this blog are either really good at sucking up or filthy stinking liars.

MMM came in a close second. That makes sense, he IS MMM, after all. And finally, Jim “The Godfather” Collins came in #3.

Our Dates Would Be Cheap (But Fun!)

Of all the date ideas suggested by our participants, the following are the 4 most suggested:

  1. Hiking. This includes hiking in the mountains, walks on the beach, strolls in the park, and, in one case, running around in the woods whipping battle axes at trees. Surprisingly metal.
  2. Cooking Together.
  3. Netflix. This I like. There is a LOT of good movies on Netflix these days.
  4. Going on a Picnic.

So I think it’s clear that 2 frugal people dating each other would not break the bank. Hell, you might even MAKE money.

Turn-Offs: Spendy People

And finally, a major common theme running through the responses is that Spendy People are HUGE turn-offs. Whether it’s people who need to spend money to have fun, people to show off their wealth, people who are financially illiterate, or people who have a ton of consumer debt, the participants wanted these people as far away from their genitals (and pocketbooks) as possible.

And that’s probably a good idea. As we’ve written before, if your spouse is Spendy, it’s pretty challenging to become Early Retired.

But if you think about it, this data point (and the preceding one) actually confirms a suspicion of mine. Given the choice, frugal people’s idea of a good time would be to

  1. Avoid Spendy People and
  2. Spend time in nature or at home

So of course it’s easier to meet people if you’re Spendy! Spendy people will just find the worst deal and gravitate towards that!

“I paid $12 for this beer! How much did you pay?”

“I have no idea! Also, I just lost my purse!”

“Wow, we’re both MORONS! Let’s have sex!”

“Great idea! But first, help me find my phone. I just lost that, too!”

~~~How I imagine Spendy people hook up

Conclusion

So what have we concluded? Well, I think it’s now obvious that dating in the FIRE community is difficult. It’s difficult because we can’t find each other. And nobody is trying to solve this problem.

And I know, I know, “BUILD THE APP” you’re all yelling. And I might. But right now, we’re fully booked up on another coding project. In a few months when that gets released, I may come back and revisit this again. If I do, you guys/gals will be the first to know.

In the meantime, I noticed a few people actually managed to connect with each other in the comments. Good luck guys/gals! If it works out, please drop us a line and update us on your hopefully-active love lives 🙂

29 thoughts on “Frugal Hookups: The Sticky Aftermath”

    1. I think one of the hard parts about this dating site or dating app may be how to keep it to just people who are actually looking for FI, and not the people who are just looking for people they think have lots of money, so that they can go spend it for us! Haha!

      1. yes that’s exactly what i was thinking as I read this too. There are always people looking to take advantage and ruin everything!

      2. Jamie,

        That is exatly that I think. How we could know the real intention of someone? Mainly when our first subjetve is relatedy with money.

      3. This is why skill testing questions about FI are handy 😛 Or maybe the requirement should be to show/prove your biggest money accomplishment. Gold diggers don’t have accomplishments.

    2. It does seem strange that it doesn’t already exist. The only thing I can think of is maybe no one made it because they don’t think they can monetize on it? Or maybe because FIRE is still too niche of a subject.

      1. For hubby & I, Lavalife worked just fine…but maybe that was b/c my blatant ‘who am I profile’ turned off a number up front? You know, stuff like my key chain has a bike lock key but no car key, or I prefer gifts of time to things. 🙂

  1. Another cheap date idea is playing video games together. It’s basically free of one of the people already has a console and a two player game at home. When I moved in with my spouse we spent most of our time together for the next 2 years playing World of Watercraft on side by side computers. We had a lot of fun and saved a lot of money that way.

  2. “But right now, we’re fully booked up on another coding project. ”

    You and your excuses. Come on. You can literally write that app in a day. Stop goofing off so much at the beach. 🙂

    How about this—first a website/app, then perhaps a frugality reality TV dating show?

    (Gosh, I need to start charging you for my ideas! Haha)

    1. FromUSA, can you stop coming up with so many awesome ideas so we can continue being retired? 😉

      My head says yes, but my feet-buried-in-white-sand-while-everyone-else-is-freezing-theirs-off-back-home says no.

  3. “I paid $12 for this beer! How much did you pay?”
    “I have no idea! Also, I just lost my purse!”
    “Wow, we’re both MORONS! Let’s have sex!”
    “Great idea! But first, help me find my phone. I just lost that, too!”

    Wait – were we at the same bar?
    I moved to a new city a couple years ago and was looking to meet new friends, so I ended up at a bar with an acquaintance and some of his female friends. One had her purse stolen, so I was trying to help her cancel her phone & credit cards. I suggested she go to the bathroom to see if someone took the $ and dumped the purse in the garbage, but she never came back to the table. Eventually found her at the bar with some guy, trying to get him to buy her drinks. Yep, left her to figure it out and just went home.

    1. Yeah, who needs ids, good credit, or cash. *eyeroll*

      Clearly that girl and I are from completely different planets, because one time I got super high on space cakes in Amsterdam, left my empty backpack behind at a restaurant, and still somehow remember it after walking a few blocks away. The thought of”I don’t want to spend money buying a new bag” cut through the haze so strongly that I immediately ran back and got it. Yup, us Frugal Freaks never forget our shit. Not even for weed.

  4. You guys never cease to make me laugh. “How spendy people hook up” – ON POINT. Thanks for being so awesome.

  5. I laughed out loud at work reading this. Seconding the thanks for “How spendy people hook up” – Hilarious!!

  6. Yes, I’m 41 and single but what can you do when all you have are spendy’s surrounding you? I’m pretty vocal advocating FIRE however I can tell you there are no FIREd women (or men) around, only the spendy sheeple. I think that’s why we will remain an endangered species. That, or I’m in some kind of spendy desert. After all, it is Toronto. LOL.

    1. No FIREd women in Toronto?

      Well I’m a woman, born, raised and still living in Toronto and only a few years away from FIRE, so what are you saying, that I don’t exist?

      Careful with the blanket statements – they might bite back!

      1. And how many million people live in Toronto and only one response? LOL. Desert it is. It appears you are the needle in the haystack (although I’m sure you are a fine one indeed – just wish there were more around). Blanket statements are fun…it makes people react. I don’t mind the biting if it gets others to speak up.

  7. I’m far too selfish to let someone else spend all my hard earned money. A partner has to bring the same to the financial table that I do.

    So far no luck, but I’m loving life with travel and hookers.

  8. I wonder if the 50s aged folks saw MILLENNIAL and thought it was a blog about the Millennial Falcon and it’s return to fight?

    Some other frugal date ideas:
    -Go to the dog park. Only works if the other person is as super into pets as you are.
    -Flea Market to people watch. We don’t go very often but it sure is entertaining to people watch. 🙂

    1. Lol. Probably should’ve come up with a better, more inclusive blog name. Oh well.

      Dog parks and flea markets are always fun. Though in terms of interesting characters, I think Walmart probably beats the flea market. I once saw a guy try to return 25 boxes of opened chocolates…half of the boxes were only 50% full and he was eating some as he was returning them. Fun times.

  9. Great stuff guys!
    I discovered your website by accident last week and binge read the whole thing over the weekend.
    Looking forward to you guy building the dating app. I´ll be the first to join!
    Not exactly a spring chicken anymore at 45, but in my head I´m still 18 :- ), and working towards FI by my early fifties.
    I´ve done the usual (ETF, Vanguard, non-spendy, no debts, renter, tiny little car, +/- 55% saving rate), but am reluctant to go the extra mile.
    I still have quite a few actively managed funds that strangely enough don´t grow as fast I´d like them to, and whenever I mention this to my “executive portfolio manager” (i.e. a bank salesperson who offers me a beverage of choice during my yearly visit), the only thing he can come up with is converting my funds into the newest and hottest bank product they´ve developed for the measly cost of a one-off 3% and yearly fee of 2%.
    So the thing I should do is sell it all and gradually buy in on ETF´s on a monthly basis, but somehow the water is still a bit too deep for me to do that…
    I guess I´m still part of the generation who had it injected in their DNA that your banker is your friend who only wants the best for you.
    I´ll just have to ask MMM to punch that out of me…
    Anyway, congratulations on your blog guys, it´s on the very top of my daily reading list!
    Greetings from northern Spain. Paul

  10. First I wanna say Hi! I lurrrv your blog and have learnt sooooo much on here. My partner and I have undertaken the task of retire early and live free (free from debt). He was when I met him already on this path, and I was the “financially illiterate” person you speak of! Since meeting him, I’ve dramatically decreased my consumer debt, ventured into “side hustle” aaaand have savings (tho I’m sure you’d both advise putting that towards paying down the debt) and become waaay less spendy! Our partnership has been tough at times because of my past spendy ways rearing its ugly head,but we are both so determined to have freedom that we hustle hard together, motivate each other and love on each other.
    Maybe we’re the exception to rule but as a former kardashian wanna be living waaay beyond my means, meeting my frugal partner has changed my life …. For the better.

    It can work, spendy people can be reformed if they want it bad enough.

    Regards

    Racquel

    1. Hi there, Racquel! Glad to hear from a Kardashian-turned-frugalista 🙂 I’m so happy to know that that spendy people can change their stripes for a bigger, common goal with their frugal spouse! Love success stories like these. Keep up the good work and I’m cheering you guys on towards FI!

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