With covid-19 wave 2 upon us, I’m going a bit batty. The first wave was already cray cray but the second wave is so much worse.
For example, here’s what happened the other day.
One of my Chautauqua friends taught me how to properly maximize value out of Uber Eats and in true FIRECracker fashion, I drove that strategy straight into the ground, turning it so competitive, it was no longer fun.
At 9:30pm, I realized I had a big, juicy $50 Uber Eats coupon I forgot about, and it was going to expire in precisely 30mins. Most people would shrug and say “Oh well. whatever,” but not me. Because I’m crazy.
So, I frantically scrolled through the restaurants that were in my area, finally settling on a sushi place called “Kibo” that was, thankfully, still open.
While googling “sashimi refrigeration” and frantically trying to optimize the total to exactly $50, I looked over at Wanderer, watching Netflix with his feet up on the couch, blissfully unaware of my rising panic.
“4 miso soups or two edamame appetizers?” I demanded, without giving any context. “Which one has better value?!”
“What?” he stared at me, eyes shifting between my sweat-soaked face and the cell phone I was aggressively tapping. “Why are you ordering food? We already ate dinner—”
“SHUT UP! THERE’S NO TIME!” I screamed, jabbing the “complete order” button as hard as I could, after desperately throwing four soups and a giant sushi boat into my cart.
“Okay, we gotta go NOW!” I said, yanking him off the couch.
“OW! What the Hell?! Where are going?”
But I was already out the door, sprinting through the darkness toward Kibo sushi. I was a woman on a mission. A very delicious, can’t-afford-to-waste-this-coupon mission. I was going to get my free sushi, damn it, and no one was going to stop me.
After huffing and puffing our way to the restaurant, we arrived to claim our order…which they couldn’t find.
In my panicked state, I hadn’t realized the restaurant was a franchise, and I’d picked the wrong location.
So, then we had to sprint home, so we could drive to the other location. When we got there, I practically slid under the door, one minute before closing time, Indiana Jones style.
Free sushi in hand, I finally got home and collapse on the couch, exhausted but happy. It was only then that Wanderer thought to ask, “Um, which credit card did you use to pay for the taxes?”
That’s when we found out that in my panic (a recurring theme tonight), I hadn’t bothered to check the credit card it charged to, so the Canadian taxes accidentally got charged in American dollars.
And that’s the story of how we got $50 of free sushi, despite picking the wrong credit card, the wrong restaurant, and giving Wanderer several heart attacks along the way.
I regret nothing.
Now, there are two types of reactions you could have to this story.
One: “Oh God, you’re insane! I’m so glad I’m not married to you.”
If this is you, stop reading.
Two: “Wow, FIRECracker’s a genius! How can I get in on some of this sweet sweet competitive couponing?”
If this is you, keep reading. You have come to the right place, my friend.
If you want to use UberEATS so well that, at the end of your order, somehow Uber owes you money, follow these easy steps:
1) Download the UberEats app and sign up. If you’re in Canada, use “CA30” to get $30 off your first order. If you’re in the US, use “USEATNOW”. If either don’t work or are expired, use our referral code “eats-brycel2582ue” to get $10 off your first $20 order.
2) Use the referral code above and/or wait for a special promotion like “$50 off your first order”, “30% off a $20 order” or “$10 off.” You will receive e-mails about these deals and they will also show up in the “promotions” section in your account.
3) Look for restaurants that are easy for you to get to and find the ones that say, “Buy 1, Get 1 Free.” Combine with coupon above to maximize value.
4) Instead of waiting 40min + for your order to be delivered, and to avoid delivery fees, click on “Delivery” at check out and select “Pick up” instead, and click “Done”. This will zero out the delivery fee in the total.
5) Click “Add Promo code” and enter the code to get the discount. You will only have to pay taxes after that. Scroll down and click “Place Order” (You won’t be able to go back and change things after this so make sure you pick the right location and credit card!)
6) Repeat steps 1-4 for your spouse if you’re married, or if not, create additional accounts using google voice numbers.
Voila! Enjoy enough food for 4 people while paying only $6.50 in tax!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have something very important to do.
*opens UberEATS, selects coupon, randomly orders a wedding cake*
“Wanderer, we have to go NOW!”
Wanderer: *drops TV remote* “God dammit!”
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